My flesh fails me

This post has probably taken me the longest to write. No, not because my ideas and thoughts are complex, but because my right hand is currently in, what the genius doctor called, a soft cast. I took a tumble (a nice word for a face-plant) Monday night and my thumb felt like moving a little bit backwards and sideways and let’s just say it was not where it was supposed to be. Not the end of the world, but I definitely did not have that scheduled in my calendar. Since then and between the occasional tear (or flood of tears), three big things have happened: I’ve been humbled, dependent, and grateful.

1. Humbled

Fairly self-explanatory. You think you are ruling the day, go strutting your way into a meeting, try to be snazzy and take a short-cut, miss seeing a two inch curb and your entire body meets the cement. You try telling the ground how awesome you are, because it really doesn’t care. Instantly humbled (primarily because my dignity and self-confidence are somewhere on the Bidgood pavement). And then you are humbled again every time you tell the story and you see your friends suppress their smiles and laughter. It’s okay, let it out. If it hadn’t been me, I would probably chuckle.

2. Dependent

I would describe myself as fairly independent: I like doing thing my way, on my time; needy people sometimes make me want to come out of my skin. Well guess what, I am currently the definition of dependent. I was dependent on someone to get me to the emergency room, peers for notes, friends for daily tasks, family for encouragement and Jesus for everything in between. I like being self-sufficient; I thrive on getting things done quickly and with ease. Well, that kind of was stripped from me, and now I’m dependent on God. For my strength, my peace of mind, and my comfort. Trust me, that was not my initial response — that would be a variety of cuss words — but that is the purpose. You are not given what you cannot handle, but you first need to remember who holds you, and I often forget this. I am so beyond happy to be dependent and reliant on God for strength and answers, because without Him, I would have ran out of both by now.

3. Grateful

This is for all the people who I actually wouldn’t be getting through the past couple days without. To the friends who held me when I screamed in the emergency room and literally dried my tears as they streamed down my face. To those girls, Taylor and Alexis, who gave up four hours on their Monday nights, immediately stopped what they were doing to come for me, and finished the job by tucking me in that night. To them, for fighting the nurse to give me painkillers (that was probably partially for their sake so I would shut up) and for relaying what was going on to concerned parents eight hours away (bless their souls). I am beyond grateful for all the friends who have tied my shoes, helped me put on jackets, brushed my hair (yes, I really do just have THAT much hair), sent me uplifting selfies, listened to me endlessly complain, waited patiently while I ran late, and put up with me as I took my sweet time getting there. To Kels, who drove me back for x-ray results and rewarded me with a McFlurry, and to everyone else for the long text messages, “thinking of yous,” prayers, and patience. To the fabulous people who reminded me how blessed I am through laughter, food, worship, and love. To my friends back home who told me they would drop everything to be here, because I really know you guys would. To my parents for being strong and trusting, and to Zach and Soph for having to put up with the stress and/or ranting coming from these sweet parents we have.

Most importantly, to God. I am so thankful and grateful for a perfect King who provides. To someone who has given me the ability to feel pain and love, to have functioning organs, and to taste salty tears as the run over my lips. I am so thankful that when I pray for challenges and strength, He delivers. It is cool knowing that my present is His history. Yes, I will still be frustrated and confused, but at the same time I feel an overwhelming peace because we are more than Conquerors. We are His. His beloved. No guilt in life and no fear in death. My flesh will fail me, daily obviously, but He does not. And hallelujah for that.

To everyone who joked, “Hey, you can write a blog about your thumb!” Ha ha ha who is laughing now.

To any guy who finds ambidextrous women attractive, hit me up because I’m pretty close. 


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