*Disclaimer: After conversations over break, I wanted to write this, and there were a lot of random thoughts that felt the need to go into it. This is not what we would call short. It’s not a novel, but it’s not the smallest thing either. So if you want to read it (which I would like), treat yourself to a break of cramming for exams, mute the TV, or whatever. If you choose to read it, I do ask that you commit yourself. Like many things in life, the ending is the best part. If you no longer want to read it, you do you because it’s a free country.
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Over break, I was asked numerous times if I drank in college. I responded no, and I could tell some people were slightly confused. (In case you were wondering, but too scared to ask, there ya go.)
People are often surprised when they learn that I am in love with Jesus. They’re occasionally weirded out when they learn that I am in college and have never drank. I never understood why, but now I think I may.
I am methodical, precise, and practical. I am a realist to the core. I love people, but can immediately tell you their strengths and weaknesses. I am strategic, analytical and objective. I see 95% of flaws and have an immediate urgency to fix them. I am blunt. I like to be in control and plan ahead. I have a million to-do lists and, not one, but two planners. TWO. Few things have the opportunity to go wrong, because I already have the backup solution and problem fixer ready. I can get annoyed easily, and it is no secret when I am. I come out of my skin if I have to deal with inefficiency. I am the definition of Type A . . . literally, I think they may have observed me and then wrote the definition.
I am an ENTJ. According to the Myers-Briggs personality assessment, I am an extrovert (over introvert), intuitive (as opposed to sensing), a thinker (over a feeler) and judging (instead of perceiving). For those of you who don’t know what Myers-Briggs is, it is a questionnaire you fill out and then it gives you four letters which correlates with a personality type. The test warns you that there are no right answers; there are no “good” nor “bad” personalities. There are two option for each letter (E vs. I, N vs. S, etc.) which gives us a total of 16 personality types.
For those of you who do know what it is, you may know that when I first took the test, I was not a fan. I had a tie in two categories, giving me four personality types. Originally, I thought that was awesome; I thought I beat the system. I thought that four personality types meant I was some great, well-rounded individual. Then I realized, like in calculus, there are rarely four right answers. I retook the test, read descriptions, made my friends read descriptions, and then finally realized which one I was at the core.
Still however, I was not satisfied. A lot of the ENTJ descriptions made ENTJs seem quite . . . sour. Power hungry. Hardcore. Emotionless. I thought to myself, “No. This isn’t me. My friends are on some serious drugs, and I refuse to accept these four letters.”
First of all, moment of silence for, A. me caring so much (hello, it’s a personality assessment, not my life) and, B. me missing the big, obvious picture.
ENTJs make up 1% of women. Websites gave a ton of other statistics like that, but that’s not fully relevant. More than that though, ENTJs are the LEAST likely to believe in a spiritual figure and a higher power. I laughed when I read this because then it all clicked. I am an ENTJJ. An ENTJ with Jesus.
If you looked at Erica four years ago, I would have probably been a pretty close-to-exact ENTJ. However, I’ve had some pretty big changes between then and now. (And no, it’s not “college” or some boyfriend . . . that I do not have.)
It is Jesus.
I found Him (no, He wasn’t actually hiding) my junior year of high school and He has been working in me ever since. One of the first things He did though, was soften my heart. He gave me the power to forgive, whereas I was a professional grudge-holder. Because he forgave me for all my mistakes, I have no reason not to mirror Him. When the creator of the universe forgives you for screwing up (which I do about 100 times a day), it kind of puts it in perspective how miniscule your sister eating the last cookie is and how draining and useless it is to stay mad at someone.
I am not always good at this. If you’re reading this and ready to call BS on me, you may be right. I fail at this daily. I get caught up in the moment and say a snippy comment at someone. I’ll get flustered during a group project and want to do it all myself. I fall back into my natural, ENTJ tendencies constantly. But the cool thing? I’m forgiven and it does not define me.
Do not let a personality type, person, or whatever else limit you. You will never be able to fit into a box, or a series of four letters, because Jesus Christ cannot fit into a box. He is too big, too strong, and too mighty to ever be defined or constrained. And He lives within you. And He can change you, if you allow Him.
For me, that has been the change of a lifetime. Do yourself a favor, and experience it. Because it will become the greatest decision of your life.
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*Editor’s note (AKA: final thought for you all. I just thought I would try and sound fancy.): I’m fully aware that there’s a large chance that this was all over the place. If you are confused or have questions or want to know about anything, feel free to get in contact with me. Text me, tweet at me, email me, show up at my dorm, whatever. Because if you’ve read this entire thing, I love and care about you more than you’ll ever know.